For Family and Friends
You love someone who is grieving.
How to be a comfort to a family after the loss of a baby.
For Family and Friends
How to be a comfort to a family after the loss of a baby.
If someone you love has lost a pregnancy or a baby, and you are wondering how to help, you are in the right place. That you are here at all means more than you know.
You cannot fix this. That is not your job, and it was never possible. What you can do is stay. Your presence is the gift, far more than the perfect words.
Say the baby’s name. It will not remind them of their loss, because they have not forgotten for a single moment. Hearing the name spoken is often the greatest comfort you can give.
The at leasts wound, however kindly they are meant. At least it was early. At least you can try again. At least you have other children. Each one, without meaning to, asks them to make the loss smaller. Instead, you can simply say, I am so sorry. I am here. I am not going anywhere.
Keep showing up after the first few weeks, when the meals stop and the cards slow and the world moves on, but the parents cannot. That is when they need you most, and when almost everyone else has gone quiet.
You may not only be a supporter. You may be a father, a partner, a grandparent, a sibling, carrying your own grief while you try to hold up someone else’s. Your loss is real too.
Fathers and partners are so often the forgotten grievers, expected to be strong while their own hearts are breaking. If that is you, there is room for you here, and permission to grieve out loud.
Held by Daisy is a warm circle for women and families who carry this loss, and that includes the people who love them. Inside, you will find gentle guidance on how to help, the company of others walking this same road, and a place for your own grief if you carry it too.
Step insideIf you are looking for something to offer, my memoir Until Next Time is often a comfort to place gently in the hands of someone grieving. It is also a window, for anyone who loves them and wants to understand what they are walking through.
Find the bookYou do not need the right words. You only need to stay. Show up, speak the baby’s name, and keep loving them through it, long after the world has moved on.
Say the name. Bring the love. Stay.